Beau took another deep breath as he stared out at the endless sea. Now that his lunch was in the ocean, he could finally understand what was so special about cruise ships. The ocean was beautiful. Crystal blue with a gentle breeze that lifted his brown hair from his face.

If it wasn’t for the constant rocking, he’d be fine.

Alas, he resigned himself to his fate of a feisty stomach for the duration of the trip. Fourteen days to go. Beau sighed, resting his head against the rail, which he regretted immediately. Apparently, not all of his lunch made it into the water.

“Beau, are you okay?” He heard Antoine ask, feeling a gentle hand rest on his back. His skin crawled, but he forced a grin as he straightened and turned to face his fiancé.

“Yeah, I’m great. Just taking in the view while my stomach settles,” he replied, thinking of a way out of this awkward situation.

Antoine was looking at him, blue eyes filled with concern, and Beau mentally cursed the way Antoine’s suit was pristine while his t-shirt needed to be changed. The thought of the mess on his shirt made Beau’s stomach churn once more. He focused on cycling his breathing, in through the nose and out through the mouth.

“Do you want me to walk you back to the room? It must be embarrassing to walk around in such… filth,” Antoine said. The disdain in his voice was clear, and Beau was great at reading subtext. Change, now. 

“No, that won’t be necessary,” Beau started, turning in the direction of their room. “I can make it. Thank you, though.” He scurried off the Lido Deck.

Upon entering his cabin, Beau decided to go ahead and hop in the shower and brush his teeth, hoping it would make him feel less gross. Afterwards, Beau did a mental checkup on himself and decided he felt fine enough to hide out in the library for a few hours. The idea of seeing what books the library had perked him right up, seasickness forgotten for the moment.

In the library, Beau inhaled the smell of books mixed with the saltiness of the sea. While the ship’s library was small, it was quite endearing.

Beau walked around, eyes taking in the spines of the novels around him until he saw one that made him stop. It was nothing special, just a story book, but Beau’s legs led him to it anyway.

Beauty and the Beast, his favorite story as a child and even now. Touching the book, he could hear his mother’s soft breathy laugh, smell the floral perfume she always wore, feel the warmth of her tight embraces.

Beau shook himself out of his reverie, his heart panging with sadness. He took a deep breath to center himself before resuming his book search.

Finally, he settled for a random biography on the top shelf. He reached up to grab it, but to his misfortune, Beau lost his balance, the swaying of the ship once again too much for him to handle. As he anticipated his body meeting the ground in a familiar hug, he was caught by strong arms, unprepared and yet steady as they righted him. Beau’s eyes followed the arms, and wow. While he was engaged to a man, he’d never truly thought who, if anyone, he’d be interested in.

This man made him wonder.

Tall and sturdy, covered in lean muscle with slicked back, jet black hair. His suit was impeccably tailored, shoes looking freshly shined. His aura was closed off and cold; his dark eyes inaccessible, and yet Beau felt warmth in his gaze.

“Daijyobu desu ka?”  Are you okay?

So, he was Japanese.

Back when his dad first started establishing his business, Beau checked out all the books in the library about prominent businesses in international trade. He made it his mission to study their languages at least enough to make small talk and read signs.

Beau nodded and thanked the man in Japanese and reassured him that he was okay. “Arigatou gozaimasu. Boku wa daijyoubu desuyo.”

While he assumed the man was well versed in English, since he was on this business cruise, he thought he’d be more comfortable staying in his native tongue. The man looked pleasantly surprised.

“You can speak English around me. Helps me practice. Yajuu Tanaka,” the man explained, holding out his hand.

Beau nodded and shook his hand. “I wouldn’t be able to say much more, so that works for me,” Beau responded with a laugh. “Thanks again for catching me. I’m Beau Thomas. Also, great choice.” He gestures to the book tucked in the stranger’s arm. “Beauty and the Beast is a classic.” It was the same copy that caught Beau’s attention earlier.

Yajuu nodded slowly. “Honestly, I don’t understand much of it.”

“I can help,” Beau quickly volunteered. “If you could help with my Japanese. I can make small talk, but I’d love to be better.” Beau’s eyes lit up at the thought of all the new books he’d get to read.

Yajuu chuckled at his excitement and agreed.

***

After leaving the library, Beau couldn’t help the bounce in his step and the smile on his face. His stomach still felt uneasy, but he was getting used to it.

“You seem happy.”

Beau froze. He hadn’t realized he made it back to the cabin already. Antoine stood behind him as Beau’s hand clenched the door knob in front of him.

Beau forced himself to open the door and walk in as he took a deep breath. He held the door open for Antoine to follow through.

“Antoine. You finished your meetings, already?”

Antoine gazed at him. “Already? They went longer than I accounted for. I just wanted to come back to you.” Antoine pulled Beau into a tight hug. Beau winced. Antoine’s arm brushed the bruise on his back.

When they separated, Antoine launched into a recap of the day as he changed into his pajamas. Beau helped him take off his jacket and shoes, but otherwise, he just sat, watched, and listened.

“Idiots. All of them,” Antoine said. “They think they’re so innovative when really, they are just thriving off their daddies’ money and reputation. Complete imbeciles with more money than they deserve or know what to do with.”

Times like these confused Beau.

If circumstances were different, he wondered if he could’ve fallen in love with Antoine. He was handsome, intelligent, and an incredible businessman. He was attentive, making sure all Beau’s needs and wants were met.  He had moments of extreme kindness. Whenever they volunteered at the local orphanage, Antoine was so gentle with the children. And whenever he looked over at Beau, Beau could see the love and adoration in his eyes.

And yet, his love hurt.

Antoine’s love was chains, heavy and tight. His love was possessive and jealous and hungry and unsatisfiable and insecure. Beau warred between wanting to hold Antoine’s inner child and run away from his present self.

His promise to his mother to take care of his father kept Beau rooted in this engagement he didn’t want. Antione was lucky that Beau’s father saw their engagement as an auspicious start to the business he’d been working on since the death of his wife. Luckier still for Antoine, Beau loved his father more than anything. Beau appreciated the many sacrifices his father had made, and Beau was willing to do anything for him. He knew that work was his father’s way of running from Beau’s mother’s ghost.

She lingered in the walls; in the scent of fresh pastries; in Beau’s eyes and his melodious laughter.

Beau understood that being home, being near him, put a weight on his father that was too heavy to bear.

So, Beau said yes to being married away. Smiled at the man who would give his father prestige and the joy Beau never could. Lied when his father asked if all was well. Covered the bruises around his wrists and neck because he knew the truth was too sad, too heavy. He could carry the burden alone to make his father happy.

Beau knew much of the pain Antoine caused came from the pain he was subjected to in his past, and yet, hadn’t everyone endured some kind of pain? Why spread it?

Beau sighed to himself, still watching Antoine as he brushed his teeth. Beau eventually decided to get up and do his own preparations for bed. His mind wandered to Yajuu. He mused on what pain those cold eyes and stone figure carried. He wondered if he gave his pain away too.

***

The first few library sessions were quite fruitless to say the least. Yajuu was a man of few words, and Beau tended to ramble in his excitement and nervousness. Neither knew where to start.

Beau decided to keep Beauty and the Beast as Yajuu’s textbook.

“My mom loved the story of Beauty and the Beast so much,” Beau said. “Belle was her favorite princess; she could read, she was smart, she was kind, and at the end she fought for her love no matter how taboo it was.” Beau paused, his finger trailing over Belle’s face.

Yajuu already knew that Beau’s mother died from illness some years ago, leaving Beau and his father to move on without her. He could see how much Beau loved his mother whenever he got that faraway look in his eyes, staring so intently at nothing that Yajuu half expected the woman to be standing there, alive and well.

“She wanted her child to be just like Belle: warm, accepting, well-read,” Beau continued with a chuckle. “So, when I was born, she decided to name me after her. Beau is the masculine version of beauty in French. I honestly think she just cursed me with the unending desire to read no matter what else I’m doing.” Beau laughed at himself.

“That is, what’s the word? Ironic, I think,” Yajuu said, laughing quietly to himself.

“Ironic?” Beau asked.

“Yajuu is not my true name. Just a nickname. Means Beast.”

Nickname was a gross understatement. It was a title more than anything else. Yajuu got to where he was by being ruthless and showing no mercy. Street fights as a teenager, shark-like deals as an adult.

Yajuu hadn’t always been so aggressive, nor did he want to be. Life required it. His father dealt with loan sharks until he gambled their house away when Yajuu was young. His mom left them. Yajuu had to fight for every meal, literally. It wasn’t until his father basically sold him to a rich family in need of an heir that he finally got off the streets. By then, all the street gangs called him Yajuu.

He was never warm though. Like his actual name, Yuki, symbolized, he was like the snow. He rarely smiled or cried. He just existed and fought for that existence. That temperament led to him accruing many enemies who didn’t appreciate the way he did business. He became Yajuu, the beast man, to protect all he had worked for.

“Really?” Beau brought Yajuu to the present. “Looks like we were fated to be together.”

Yajuu couldn’t stop the warmth that bloomed in his cheeks.

***

Yajuu was frustrated. He realized two things today: he hated American businessmen, and the language they spoke.

He discovered the first in the various meetings he’d attended to give his company more of an international appeal. Unfortunately, no one truly took him seriously, especially when they could hear the Japanese lilt in his English.

If it weren’t for Beau’s fiancé, Yajuu wouldn’t have had the opportunity to even speak. He didn’t know how to feel about that.

As for the second, Beau was trying to explain the difference between the “L” and “R” sounds. In Japanese, the closest sound was a mix of them.

“So, in the word listen, it is the “L” sound, but in read, it is the “R” sound.”

Yajuu let his head fall on the table in front of him. “They sound the same.”

Beau laughed at his defeat, the sound making the moment more uplifting than it should be.

Yajuu peeked up to look at him, a pastime of his lately. Instead of smiling like usual though, Yajuu’s eyes squinted. Beau looked pale, and now that Yajuu was staring at him, he looked smaller than normal. The circles underneath his eyes were more stark than before.

“Have you been eating?” Yajuu asked, eyes focused on Beau’s every move.

Beau looked down at him in surprise.

Seeing Yajuu’s eyes already focused on him, he sheepishly fixed his hair. “I have really bad motion sickness, so I haven’t been able to keep much down. Is it that obvious?”

Yajuu frowned, ignoring the question. They’d been on this ship for almost a week now. Much too long to not be keeping a meal down.

Yajuu stood up. “I will be back. Wait here.” He quickly left a confused Beau staring at the picture of Belle teaching the Beast to read.

***

Beau checked the watch he kept in his pocket. Antoine and his father were probably in another meeting. He frowned to himself when he thought about how much grief Yajuu was getting from the other businessmen.

Yajuu spoke better English than most people from Beau’s small town, and yet his accent set him apart.

Shaking his head to calm his growing anger, Beau proceeded to work on the kanji Yajuu had been teaching him. When he thought of the sheer number of characters he’d have to know before he could even read a Japanese newspaper, Beau almost regretted his yearning to learn Japanese, but the thought of all the books he’d be able to read gave him the energy he needed to continue.

After working for another half-hour alone, just as Beau started to wonder if Yajuu forgot about him, Yajuu appeared with a covered bowl.

“Here.” Yajuu offered it to him.

Beau opened it, and, for the first time his stomach didn’t lurch, it growled in hunger.

“It’s miso soup with chicken. American food is too much for me too, so I brought my chef with me. Should give you some strength without being too heavy on your stomach,” Yajuu explained, but Beau wasn’t listening. His eyes filled up with tears, and he quickly started drinking the soup.

“Arigatou,” he whispered between sips.

***

Antoine sat in another meeting full of droning dunces, fuming. He expected this trip to be time to cherish Beau. Instead, whenever Antoine turned around, he was pushed into another meeting, and Beau was in the library. Antoine wasn’t particularly surprised. They met in a library back in New York.

Antoine Vermillion was always aware of his situation. He recognized that family meant nothing in the face of greed. He watched his mother, Rose Vermillion, as the frown lines deepened, and her eyes hardened at every ploy other family members conceived and every mention of the illicit sexual scandals involving her husband.

But his mother still found time to love him. During the day, the nannies watched him, the tutors taught him, but he was always lonely. He knew his mother could see that whenever she’d read him bedtime stories about love.

She’d tell him that his training would lead him to the most beautiful, most intelligent, and most worthy princess that he deserved. She’d be his trusted confidant and friend.

And Antoine believed her.

So, Antoine worked to be the best. To get the princess he deserved. Except he was not especially fond of women; his mother the only exception. He wanted the best, so when he saw him, tucked inside a library, eyes bright with wonder at his book, Antoine knew he had to have him. The man was beautiful and delicate and intelligent and everything that Antoine’s mother told him he deserved.

He’d gone to the library to research some international policies, but he couldn’t focus. Not when he heard the excited gasps and melodious laughter of the man on the other side of the room.

He eventually gave up and watched him. He imagined his hands caressing Antoine’s face, his chest, his d–. Antoine sat up, face burning at how quickly his thoughts ran away.

He was going to marry this man.

Antoine waited until his future husband returned his book and left the library before moving from his spot.

He checked out the book he tried, and failed, to read as well as the one the man just returned. When he stepped out of the library, he looked at the checkout card taped inside the front flap: Beau Thomas.

Beau.

Beau Vermillion.

That had a ring to it.

Antoine pulled some strings to find out all he could about his Beau. He had a library installed into his home, curated a wardrobe of clothes for Beau with clothes of varying shades of blue, and bought a ring with sapphires and rubies around the band.

When he was ready to bring his Beau home, Antoine scheduled a meeting with Beau’s father.

A shadow of what was once an intelligent man stood before him. He rambled on about a product he created, and Antoine saw the perfect opportunity. Antoine promised money and status in exchange for Beau’s hand. Though Mr. Thomas hesitated at first, greed won in the end.

Antoine relished the amazement in Beau’s eyes when he brought him home for the first time and showed him the library in the mansion. He knew he’d love it, and maybe he’d come to love Antoine just as much. Antoine tried to cater to his every need, so Beau never questioned why he couldn’t go outside.

Antoine was careful. The news of his engagement spread faster than he anticipated, but he never let anyone see Beau. They would lust after him, try to take advantage of him, try to take him away from Antoine. 

He could never let that happen.

Even when he saw the longing in Beau’s eyes to leave, he ignored it.

When he saw that he had begun to reread the books in their expansive library room, he ignored it.

When he saw the bruises under Beau’s eyes from lack of sleep, Antoine ignored it.

Until he couldn’t ignore it anymore. 

His mother came to visit, and as the only person Antoine trusted, he let her in and introduced her to Beau. But his mother didn’t smile like he thought she would; in fact, her eyes held great sadness. Something Antoine had never seen.

“What’s wrong, Mother?” Antoine asked as they left Beau in the library.

“You’re suffocating that poor boy, Tonny. If you keep him trapped here with no one but you, he will hate you before he ever loves you,” she replied, resting her hand on his shoulder. “But you already knew that.”

She said nothing more about the matter and left, though her words lingered in Antoine’s mind.

When he saw that the annual business cruise was coming up, he decided he would bring Beau with him. Antoine knew the men there would never appeal to Beau: loud, crass, stupid, power hungry. Beau would realize that all he’d ever need was Antoine.

If only the meetings would let him bond with his soon-to-be-husband.

“Mr. Thomas.”

Beau’s father’s head jerked in the direction of his son-in-law. “Yes, sir?”

Antoine smiled though his eyes held disgust and contempt. “Can you take notes for the rest of the meetings? I want to enjoy the rest of the cruise with Beau.”

***

Beau mindlessly scribbled kanji. Over the past week and a half, his reading comprehension doubled. Today, however, his thoughts had minds of their own. Beau questioned whether his mom would be proud of all the decisions he’d made up to this point.

What if he was with Yajuu instead? Someone his heart fluttered for, where there was something there that wasn’t there before.

Beau’s face immediately heated up, and he stood up. “I need a new pencil,” he rushed out, already scurrying away to a bookshelf across the room.

Beau chided himself. They only had two more days before they docked in England. He’d never see Yajuu again. That thought hurt more than Beau anticipated. He didn’t know how long he stood standing at the bookshelf lost in thought before he felt a hand on his wrist.

He glanced over his shoulder, but he already knew who was standing behind him. His heart quickened and his body broke out in a cold sweat.

“You’ve been spending all your time in the library, lately,” Antoine said, a pout on his lips, but his hand tightened on Beau’s wrist. “I’m done with my meetings for the rest of the trip. Let’s go explore the ship.”

Beau glanced over to Yajuu, who was still focused on his book.

Unfortunately for Beau, Antoine saw the quick flit of his eyes to the other man. “So that’s why you’ve been coming here. Whoring yourself out to all the men on the boat. I knew better than to let you out.”

Beau had never been truly afraid of Antoine before, but the calm in his voice and the ice in his grey eyes made his heart stutter, and his hairs stand up. Antoine was tall by anyone’s standards, but it felt like he grew two more feet to glower down at him.

“No, it’s not like that. I swear.” Beau tried to tug his wrist from Antoine’s grip, but it only got tighter. “Let me go, Antoine. Please. I’ll go back to the room, and we can do whatever you like.”

Antoine didn’t respond and proceeded to pull Beau over to Yajuu.

***

Yajuu sensed people walking in his direction, and he glanced up from his book expecting Beau. His black eyes darkened when he saw the scene in front of him.

“Tanaka. So, you’re the one my slut of a fiancé has been sneaking off with.”

Beau kept his head down. Ashamed. Of whom, Yajuu didn’t know.

“Antoine, please stop this,” he pleaded but there was no fight in his voice. Yajuu watched as he shrank in on himself.

Yajuu mostly knew the circumstances surrounding Beau and his fiancé. He’d seen the bruises around Beau’s wrist when he’d caught him the first time they met. At the dinners, he watched the forced smiles on Beau’s face

“Let him go, Vermillion.”

The two men stared each other down over Beau’s head.

“I’m sorry, Antoine. I promise there is nothing going on between us.” Beau kept his eyes to the ground. “I won’t leave your side for the rest of the cruise.”

“Beau–” Yajuu started.

“Very well,” Antoine interrupted. “Let’s go; we need to get ready for dinner.”

Yajuu watched Antoine pull Beau away, feeling his mask fall away as his face scrunched in frustration, anger, and sadness.

***

The next day, Beau wandered around the boat beside Antoine as he talked about the different business deals he’d been able to make. They had lunch with Beau’s father, but Beau barely paid attention to the constant postering from his father.

Every time he glimpsed black hair his heart sped up, but it was never Yajuu. If Beau would have known that yesterday was the last day he’d see him, he would have treasured that time more. Memorized the small frown at the corner of his mouth as he focused on the books in front of him. The crease between his eyebrows as Beau explained the difference between who and whom and the sounds of “shi” and “see.”

Beau sighed softly. “I’m feeling a little seasick. I’m going back to the room to lie down for a bit.” Beau rushed away before either man could reply.

He lied in self-pity until a knock on the door broke him out.

Dragging himself up, he padded over to the door, thinking it was probably his father checking on him. It was a crew-hand there instead.

“Mr. Beau Vermillion?”

Beau rolled his eyes at his fiancé’s insistence that he take his surname already.

Nodding his head, Beau took the letter the man offered him. His heart clenched. His name was written in Japanese on the front of the envelope.

He tore it open, eyes skimming through the contents. All of it was written in Japanese, like their own little code.

Beau,

I know that you said what you did to protect both of us. I hope that no harm came to you because of our time together. 

I want you to know that I looked forward to our time in the library. I would find myself smiling as my meetings came to a close, scaring most of my workers. 

You do not have to stay with him. You could come to Japan with me. I know that would be a drastic change for you. A new country, new customs, no family, but I assure you that no harm would come to you ever again. I promise to care of you and protect you. 

Before coming on this ship, I never understood the stories of love and sacrifice. Imagine my surprise meeting you and knowing I would do anything you’d ask of me, anything to make that careless laugh and wide smile appear more and more. I feel as though you have put me under some sort of spell, and yet I don’t mind it. 

I send this letter to offer a choice. We dock in England tonight. I have men there ready to take me to Japan as soon as I give the word. We can escape in the night before the official release of the passengers. 

If you choose me, come to the library. I will be waiting for you. 

Your Yajuu

Antoine eventually came to get him for dinner. Beau went through the motions, but his mind was juggling the options of staying or going.

That night, Beau lied in the darkness, praying for his mother to guide him. The more he thought about it, the more he realized that the answer had always been in front of him. All the books he loved, and his parents’ own love story sprouted from love worth cultivating.

A love he and Yajuu had. Yajuu made him happy. He made him feel safe and loved. And he was waiting for him.

Beau steeled his nerves and wiggled himself away from Antoine’s body. When he was free, he blindly searched for a bag and started throwing his stuff in. When the bag was heavy enough, he glanced at Antoine. “I hope you find someone who can turn your beast into a prince.”

Beau turned to the door and for a second, he thought he saw his mother smiling at him and nodding at the handle.

He walked out of the cabin and didn’t look back.

When he walked into the library his heart was lighter. In the center of the room, Yajuu paced back and forth. His shoulders were tense, and his eyes focused on his feet, deep in thought.

“Tadaima,” Beau called out. I’m home. 

Yajuu’s head jerked up to look at him. The wide grin that spread on his face made Beau pause. He smiled back. 

“Okaeri,” Yajuu answered.

Welcome home.